niks_it

i'm a vegitarian, and i'm not fucking scared of him

Mon, 08 Jun 2009 00:06:47 GMT

you don't have to worry about leading me on.
right now my heart is too cold to be emotionally effected by anything.

i miss you, i told you that.
right now i'm just going with the flow, and we'll see where it leads.

i miss Hollins.
right now, nothing can hurt me, because my walls are back up, now that i'm home.

it isn't right that i have to guard myself more when i'm here, "home"
but everything bruises me here if i don't.

so don't worry, i'm fine.
and the next move is yours.

this is how the world functions, when you abandon emotions.

Thu, 07 Aug 2008 14:57:54 GMT

i don't know what to do about you.
and theres nothing you can do because technically you didn't do anything wrong, recently anyways.
but i'm sick of you.
you need to grow. you are not as mature as you think. so i'm thinking i'm going to delete you soon. from everything, because i just can't stand seeing you online.
and i feel bad because you have helped me with things, given me advice. but its just not enough.
and i'm not really sorry.

and believe me, this isn't who you think its about. and if you'll ask i'll tell you.

anyways
going shopping with hannah
peeace.

Fri, 11 Jul 2008 14:33:37 GMT

i am really fucking afraid.
and i am not liking how my body is handling that. i'm not sleeping.
if i don't sleep i get depressed.
if i get depressed, its just not good.

rawr.

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 15:42:25 GMT

ok, so there hasn't been an update in a while so here ya go.

i found out my seminar group for next year. Creative Code, its freakin sweet, a mix of computers and art and an awesome Proffesor heads it. Plus the senior student who helps out seems really nice too. There are eight other girls in my group. I'm pretty excited to get to know them. I also found out how my first week is gonna go: CRAZY FUN! theres a whitewater rafting trip and picnics and of course lots of meetings where i pick my classes and stuff.

i just got back from myrtle beach saturday night. it was ok, i got kind of bored and restless towards the end.

last night was chill, i went to an outside play with Guy, Hannah, Steph, Ren, Christine, Erin and her b/f. It started raining so H,Guy,Ren,Steph, Brynna and Brynna's boytoy and i went to TACO BELL. because the friggen starbucks was closed. but oh well.

today i'll probably chill with Tia. supposed to go stay with Allie this week. and i have to go find a full time job. wish me luck! lhghsdlghsd.

LOVE.

just dance.

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 15:34:44 GMT

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 15:46:11 GMT

one more week.

i feel like miss negative because i'm so ready to get away from people. EVERYONE.
yes, high school had a lot of good times. but it had ALOT of bad ones too. i was miserable two out of the four years. thank you suicidal tendencies.
am i supposed to miss that? am i supposed to miss people who don't respect me, who never took a minute to listen to me, who labeled me? i met a lot of wonderful people, and THOSE people i won't miss too terribly because i know they're going off to do amazing things and i know they wish well for me. but there are some people i can't wait to get away from forever.

and i can't wait to meet new people next year. i know there will still be drama, i know there will still be people who don't respect me, label me, and don't listen. but at least this time i'm around, i'm more confident and unafraid. i know myself better than people think, and i'm not afraid to show that.

anyways :D
SENIOR SKIP DAY!
my mama is sooo sweet. she tried to make that dress i wanted by Versace! she wanted it to be surprise but it didn't work out. i just thought it was so sweet! i love my mama.
so she's gonna take-in the dress my aunt lent me and she's gonna do my hairr and then tonight some of the ladies are coming over for a post prom sleep over. :D
i hooooope allie comes :D
and hannnaaahh
i know tia is and bri too. wooot.

Sat, 31 May 2008 13:41:05 GMT

*collapses into a huge pile of pillows and blankets and sleeps for 20 hours*

thats what i WISH i could do. i'm so friggen tired grrrr.
but the show is going pretty well.
i think this negative drama is over. i spoke with stephanie yesterday so hopefully we can all put everything behind us.

tonights the last show and then next week is Academy Graduation, Senior Day and PROM!! the senior prank is so funny!
we're all gonna get to school really early and park in the staff parking lot and then we're all gonna set our alarms on our phone for 9.25 so they go off during the assembly. :D

i don't really know what to say, i'm tired...

and its almost over!

Worry

Fri, 16 May 2008 19:52:59 GMT

Yesterday was nothing but worry. Worried about CQ, but I know she's strong and will get through this. But she really had me worried for a few hours there. I didn't want her to be alone. Thank goodness for Eric being a bit more assertive than me.

And worried about Allie. Theres just nothing for me to say or do. As far as Ren and Steph, I can comfort, I can give advice, but for the other thing...I'm not a doctor I don't know what to say or do, and it is so ridiculous for me to be upset but I cried on and off from the minute I got into my car until I went to bed. I wanted so badly to talk to my mom and have her hug me but theres nothing anyone can do. And dammit its just not fair. And I know its not like Allie is going to go anytime soon but I don't think I'll ever be prepared for it. I don't know what to say to her, or if I should, and I feel so bad because I want to support her and be strong for her but I don't think I can be. My worst fear has become an actually possibility. I'm sure after a day or so of getting used to the idea I'll be fine, but right now...I don't know. It's like I need her to be strong for me and thats not something I can ask for her.

Bleh I need Lars and Reen.

New Start

Tue, 06 May 2008 00:07:39 GMT

Hey there! This is going to be my new lj. It's not going to be private; its really more for the benefit of a few friends who can see what I'm up to. I'm going to try my best to really record my adventures as I end my senior year and begin college. I'm trying to improve my writing skills as well. :D

I've got a lot coming up these next two months. I can already hear my wallet cringing. >< I have to buy tickets for prom and for the party at Jillians the night of graduation. Jillians is a huge arcade and all of the seniors will be going there that night from 10-5am! it'll be so much fun!

Anyways i have to go now. More tomorrow? :D

Love
moi